I doubt this thread will have many takers, but I need to post my effort at writing a Quranic surah for Muslims to read it. The Quran says nobody could write a surah like it. I says the Quran is simplistic trash not worthy of any kind of God and anyone could write better verses. My effort is deliberately satirical but some of it is just like any verse in the Quran.
2.23 And if ye are in doubt as to what We have revealed from time to time to Our
servant, then produce a Sura like thereunto; and call your witnesses or helpers (If
there are any) besides God, if your (doubts) are true.
2.24 But if ye cannot- and of a surety ye cannot- then fear the Fire whose fuel is
men and stones,- which is prepared for those who reject Faith.
The quran says above that no one can produce a sura like it. Here is my sura.
Sura 118 Al Baba.
118.1 Praised be to Allah the almighty and most merciful, the lord of the worlds.
118.2 Obey Allah and his messenger, Muhammad, and if you should give all you own, and die in battle for Allah you will be well rewarded.
118.3 You will recline on couches drinking from silver goblets, and be waited on by wide eyed virgins, who have been specially made for you in heaven. (well they may have been fixed by surgery)
118.3 So you will no longer have to hobble Thamud the she camel for your satisfaction as you did on earth.
118.4 Did we not tell you of Ali Baba and the forty thieves, and did we not remind you of Noah, and how we asked him to gather two of every creature, we even saved the pig, but I am damned if we can remember why we mentioned them. Unless it was to poison unbelievers, yes I think that was it.
118.4 And did we not give you the sand to play in, as far as the eye can see, nothing but sand,sand, sand. Allah love sand, no, he really likes making sand. And did we not surround it by the seas which are too salty to drink. Allah is most merciful and wise.
118.5 Did we not tell you to fight the unbelievers wherever you find them, so that you could steal their lands and get out of all that sand. So great and merciful is Allah to the followers of the messenger. Obey the messenger and fight the unbelievers and take their wives and steal their possessions, you can have the wives, but the loot belongs to Allah, (and his messenger Muhammed so had it over or else) But do not kill unbelievers if they become believers, just sign them up as conscripts, and put them in the front line of the next battle to liberate the lands of more unbelievers. Only kill them if they become believers, then change their minds when they start thinking for themselves ,and asking awkward questions. Then strike their necks with a sword.
118.6 Allah will curse the unbelievers to be roasted over a slow burning flame for all eternity, and have their eyes plucked out with hooks. But Allah will give them new eyes, so that they can be plucked out again, because Allah is most wise and great, and he likes to watch. He likes little boys that pick the wings of flies as that amuses him. He is the seer-er of all you do, and even peeps on you when you are in the bathroom.
118.7 Allah be praised and praised, then praised some more.
No really, you had better get down on your heads and grovel, you wretched worms, or you are really going to get it in the head. You either praise me(Muhammad) or have your flesh peeled off, and red hot irons shoved where the sun does not shine.
118.8 Whoops, That may have been a verse influenced by Satan, so do not worry to much about that one, I may abrogate it later. Anyway, don't mess with the messenger (Muhammad) if you know whats good for you.
2.23 And if ye are in doubt as to what We have revealed from time to time to Our
servant, then produce a Sura like thereunto; and call your witnesses or helpers (If
there are any) besides God, if your (doubts) are true.
2.24 But if ye cannot- and of a surety ye cannot- then fear the Fire whose fuel is
men and stones,- which is prepared for those who reject Faith.
The quran says above that no one can produce a sura like it. Here is my sura.
Sura 118 Al Baba.
118.1 Praised be to Allah the almighty and most merciful, the lord of the worlds.
118.2 Obey Allah and his messenger, Muhammad, and if you should give all you own, and die in battle for Allah you will be well rewarded.
118.3 You will recline on couches drinking from silver goblets, and be waited on by wide eyed virgins, who have been specially made for you in heaven. (well they may have been fixed by surgery)
118.3 So you will no longer have to hobble Thamud the she camel for your satisfaction as you did on earth.
118.4 Did we not tell you of Ali Baba and the forty thieves, and did we not remind you of Noah, and how we asked him to gather two of every creature, we even saved the pig, but I am damned if we can remember why we mentioned them. Unless it was to poison unbelievers, yes I think that was it.
118.4 And did we not give you the sand to play in, as far as the eye can see, nothing but sand,sand, sand. Allah love sand, no, he really likes making sand. And did we not surround it by the seas which are too salty to drink. Allah is most merciful and wise.
118.5 Did we not tell you to fight the unbelievers wherever you find them, so that you could steal their lands and get out of all that sand. So great and merciful is Allah to the followers of the messenger. Obey the messenger and fight the unbelievers and take their wives and steal their possessions, you can have the wives, but the loot belongs to Allah, (and his messenger Muhammed so had it over or else) But do not kill unbelievers if they become believers, just sign them up as conscripts, and put them in the front line of the next battle to liberate the lands of more unbelievers. Only kill them if they become believers, then change their minds when they start thinking for themselves ,and asking awkward questions. Then strike their necks with a sword.
118.6 Allah will curse the unbelievers to be roasted over a slow burning flame for all eternity, and have their eyes plucked out with hooks. But Allah will give them new eyes, so that they can be plucked out again, because Allah is most wise and great, and he likes to watch. He likes little boys that pick the wings of flies as that amuses him. He is the seer-er of all you do, and even peeps on you when you are in the bathroom.
118.7 Allah be praised and praised, then praised some more.
No really, you had better get down on your heads and grovel, you wretched worms, or you are really going to get it in the head. You either praise me(Muhammad) or have your flesh peeled off, and red hot irons shoved where the sun does not shine.
118.8 Whoops, That may have been a verse influenced by Satan, so do not worry to much about that one, I may abrogate it later. Anyway, don't mess with the messenger (Muhammad) if you know whats good for you.
via International Skeptics Forum https://ift.tt/3bYbSfW
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