This is my own equivalent, so to speak, of the [url=http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html]Evil Overlord List[/i]. I.e., what I'd do if I were an at least half-way sane god. As opposed to the Abrahamic god.
It IS half-way taking the piss, but as a great man once said, I'm kidding on the square. All of these are based on actual stuff from the Bible.
Feel free to add your own.
1. While good management practice does involve knowing how to delegate, that in turn relies on making it clear who is actually delegated to speak in my name. Instead of letting ten thousand schizophrenics speak in my name, and nobody knowing who's the real article, I'll give a visible halo to the one I'm actually using to represent me.
2. With great power comes great responsibility. I will make it clear to my chosen one(s) that that halo also makes an awfully visible target, should they decide to use their position to advance their own agenda, rather than using vague threats and false prophecies against them.
3. I will not however randomly try to kill the same guy I just sent on a mission, for no reason whatsoever.
4. I will also find a better way to communicate with my people than dreams and visions.
5. I will not let my people guess what I actually want when it comes to stuff I haven't ruled about in the past. If Bill Maher can give New Rules every week, so can I.
6. I will have a clear sense of responsibilities. I will not give a plague to a bunch of loyal underlings because I'm pissed off at a completely different bunch.
7. I will have a clear sense of responsibilities. I will not hold people responsible for what some very distant ancestor did.
8. There is no original sin. Frankly, after a few generations, none of them will be even remotely original.
9. I will have a sense of proportions. A genocide is NOT appropriate response to a few people screwing around or making cute little idols. Nor is it commensurate for a decision of one single Pharaoh or other kind of ruler.
10. While I am God and above being judged, I'll at least try to be consistent about my rules. I will not reward a guy with perpetual priesthood in my name, or any other reward, really, for murdering two newlyweds without trial.
11. I will use at least the bare minimum of my omniscience to not forbid stuff that will be essential to even the most elementary functioning of the a society in the future. E.g., I will not decree a death penalty for working on weekends.
12. While I am God and above being judged, I will not be a psychopath that has to find someone else to blame for his own bad decisions. If the garden I designed can go haywire because someone plucked an apple, I will fix my own bugs instead of blaming someone who had nothing to do with that buggy design. Ditto if I have a problem with random biological deviations produced by my design, like 10% of people being born wired like the opposite gender.
13. If Blizzard can nerf mages, so can I. Instead of, you know, commanding idiocies like "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."
14. I will get my priorities straight when giving rules. There are more important rules for the top 10 than forbidding sculptures. And for that matter for the top 600 than forbidding mixed fiber jeans or mixed bread.
15. I will not show favouritism for no rhyme or reason (Abel vs Cain, men vs women, Jews vs Canaanites). All my people are equal until they personally do something to earn my wrath.
16. I will at the very least keep in mind that some people can't possibly be responsible for some decisions. I will not order babies murdered or cattle slaughtered wholesale, no matter how much a group displeased me.
17. I will also not nuke whole cities, since, you know, there are babies and stuff inside. There is no reason, given my omnipotence, why nuking the whole city would be less effort than surgically striking just the ones actually responsible for whatever it was that angered me.
18. Offering your daughters to be gang raped is NOT a way to get on MY good side, much less what qualifies one to be the only family saved from a city.
19. Offering to sacrifice your child will NOT earn my favour.
20. While I'm not a vegan god, I will not command animals killed or released into the wilderness just to please me. Honestly, if you're gonna eat it, go ahead, but the smell of burned flesh is not doing anything for me.
21. I will be secure enough in my greatness to not need to torture an innocent just to see if they renounce me.
22. If any kind of sexual practice repulses me enough to want it stopped, I will just wire the people to be all repulsed too to the point of being unable to do it, instead of commanding their death. It's good to be omnipotent.
23. I will not give rules for how to properly keep slaves. Just don't own other humans, ok?
24. And sex slaves are right out.
25. I will have at least the minimum common sense and foresight to NOT order that a raped girl be married to her rapist.
26. I will have a clear sense of who's guilty and who's the victim. I will not order a raped woman be put to death together with the rapist.
27. Nor end up giving instructions for how to properly rape in warfare. Honestly, dude, if you just killed her family, it's safe to say she doesn't want you.
28. I will have at least have the same sense of cause and effect as a 6 year old. I will not give a 7 year world-wide drought just to make one guy in Egypt fabulously wealthy.
29. While there is a time and place for performance art, I will not take it to retarded extremes like ordering a guy to bury his underpants just to illustrate "I'll destroy your people like these underpants."
30. I do NOT need to father myself so I can sacrifice myself to myself to forgive some people for something I judged against. If I want to forgive them, I can just forgive them. I'm God. Who's to say I can't?
31. If I say something is forgiven, I'll also lift the punishment for it. Otherwise it's not really forgiven.
32. If I tell some people they're my best friends, I will not plan to fry them in hell anyway, just because something out of their control hasn't happened yet.
33. While I may or may not be inclined to do only a limited amount of divine intervention per day, and it's my prerogative to do so, I will keep at least the same sense of priorities a 6 year old can have. I will not end up fixing football games and lottery draws while letting babies die in fires or suffer for months on end and die of brain cancer.
34. If I do end up going personally to Earth to give New Rules anyway, I will find some better way to preserve them than going through oral tradition for decades, and then be changed by any scribe with an agenda. Titanium nitride covered printing plates will convey my exact words so much better.
35. I will at least try to express myself as intelligibly and clearly as a child can. If everything I say ends up having multiple interpretations or being "a mystery to great for mortal minds", I'll take some communication lessons and try again.
36. While creative and unusual punishments can be worth some giggles, I will find some better punishments than, say, turning some people gay or lesbian for idolatry. Honestly, it's not much of a punishment if they enjoy it.
It IS half-way taking the piss, but as a great man once said, I'm kidding on the square. All of these are based on actual stuff from the Bible.
Feel free to add your own.
1. While good management practice does involve knowing how to delegate, that in turn relies on making it clear who is actually delegated to speak in my name. Instead of letting ten thousand schizophrenics speak in my name, and nobody knowing who's the real article, I'll give a visible halo to the one I'm actually using to represent me.
2. With great power comes great responsibility. I will make it clear to my chosen one(s) that that halo also makes an awfully visible target, should they decide to use their position to advance their own agenda, rather than using vague threats and false prophecies against them.
3. I will not however randomly try to kill the same guy I just sent on a mission, for no reason whatsoever.
4. I will also find a better way to communicate with my people than dreams and visions.
5. I will not let my people guess what I actually want when it comes to stuff I haven't ruled about in the past. If Bill Maher can give New Rules every week, so can I.
6. I will have a clear sense of responsibilities. I will not give a plague to a bunch of loyal underlings because I'm pissed off at a completely different bunch.
7. I will have a clear sense of responsibilities. I will not hold people responsible for what some very distant ancestor did.
8. There is no original sin. Frankly, after a few generations, none of them will be even remotely original.
9. I will have a sense of proportions. A genocide is NOT appropriate response to a few people screwing around or making cute little idols. Nor is it commensurate for a decision of one single Pharaoh or other kind of ruler.
10. While I am God and above being judged, I'll at least try to be consistent about my rules. I will not reward a guy with perpetual priesthood in my name, or any other reward, really, for murdering two newlyweds without trial.
11. I will use at least the bare minimum of my omniscience to not forbid stuff that will be essential to even the most elementary functioning of the a society in the future. E.g., I will not decree a death penalty for working on weekends.
12. While I am God and above being judged, I will not be a psychopath that has to find someone else to blame for his own bad decisions. If the garden I designed can go haywire because someone plucked an apple, I will fix my own bugs instead of blaming someone who had nothing to do with that buggy design. Ditto if I have a problem with random biological deviations produced by my design, like 10% of people being born wired like the opposite gender.
13. If Blizzard can nerf mages, so can I. Instead of, you know, commanding idiocies like "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."
14. I will get my priorities straight when giving rules. There are more important rules for the top 10 than forbidding sculptures. And for that matter for the top 600 than forbidding mixed fiber jeans or mixed bread.
15. I will not show favouritism for no rhyme or reason (Abel vs Cain, men vs women, Jews vs Canaanites). All my people are equal until they personally do something to earn my wrath.
16. I will at the very least keep in mind that some people can't possibly be responsible for some decisions. I will not order babies murdered or cattle slaughtered wholesale, no matter how much a group displeased me.
17. I will also not nuke whole cities, since, you know, there are babies and stuff inside. There is no reason, given my omnipotence, why nuking the whole city would be less effort than surgically striking just the ones actually responsible for whatever it was that angered me.
18. Offering your daughters to be gang raped is NOT a way to get on MY good side, much less what qualifies one to be the only family saved from a city.
19. Offering to sacrifice your child will NOT earn my favour.
20. While I'm not a vegan god, I will not command animals killed or released into the wilderness just to please me. Honestly, if you're gonna eat it, go ahead, but the smell of burned flesh is not doing anything for me.
21. I will be secure enough in my greatness to not need to torture an innocent just to see if they renounce me.
22. If any kind of sexual practice repulses me enough to want it stopped, I will just wire the people to be all repulsed too to the point of being unable to do it, instead of commanding their death. It's good to be omnipotent.
23. I will not give rules for how to properly keep slaves. Just don't own other humans, ok?
24. And sex slaves are right out.
25. I will have at least the minimum common sense and foresight to NOT order that a raped girl be married to her rapist.
26. I will have a clear sense of who's guilty and who's the victim. I will not order a raped woman be put to death together with the rapist.
27. Nor end up giving instructions for how to properly rape in warfare. Honestly, dude, if you just killed her family, it's safe to say she doesn't want you.
28. I will have at least have the same sense of cause and effect as a 6 year old. I will not give a 7 year world-wide drought just to make one guy in Egypt fabulously wealthy.
29. While there is a time and place for performance art, I will not take it to retarded extremes like ordering a guy to bury his underpants just to illustrate "I'll destroy your people like these underpants."
30. I do NOT need to father myself so I can sacrifice myself to myself to forgive some people for something I judged against. If I want to forgive them, I can just forgive them. I'm God. Who's to say I can't?
31. If I say something is forgiven, I'll also lift the punishment for it. Otherwise it's not really forgiven.
32. If I tell some people they're my best friends, I will not plan to fry them in hell anyway, just because something out of their control hasn't happened yet.
33. While I may or may not be inclined to do only a limited amount of divine intervention per day, and it's my prerogative to do so, I will keep at least the same sense of priorities a 6 year old can have. I will not end up fixing football games and lottery draws while letting babies die in fires or suffer for months on end and die of brain cancer.
34. If I do end up going personally to Earth to give New Rules anyway, I will find some better way to preserve them than going through oral tradition for decades, and then be changed by any scribe with an agenda. Titanium nitride covered printing plates will convey my exact words so much better.
35. I will at least try to express myself as intelligibly and clearly as a child can. If everything I say ends up having multiple interpretations or being "a mystery to great for mortal minds", I'll take some communication lessons and try again.
36. While creative and unusual punishments can be worth some giggles, I will find some better punishments than, say, turning some people gay or lesbian for idolatry. Honestly, it's not much of a punishment if they enjoy it.
via JREF Forum http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=263932&goto=newpost
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