Obama, the deity

What? You don't know anyone that thinks Obama is a deity?



Well, the new Office of Theological Repatriation will take care of that. I refer to this explanation of this hypothetical initiative excerpted from Chapter 5 "So Absurd It Could Be True: The Gospel Of Barack Obama," of Todd Starnes' literary magnum opus God Less America: Real Stories From the Front Lines of the Attack on Traditional Values.

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Quote:

"We took an immediate flash poll of God's approval rating among Democrats, and we got a shocking wake-up call," Miles told me. "He was only polling at 10 percent—and that was mostly among Southern Blue Dog Democrats. So we decided to immediately implement a top-secret program—code name G-O-D" GOD? "It stands for Get Obama Deified," Miles said in a hushed voice. "We decided to create a national religion based solely on President Obama. Our internal polling data on the deification of the president is spectacular." I was dumbfounded. How in the world could they do something like that—something so brazen, so blasphemous, so unconstitutional? "Todd, we've already done it," Miles said. "I was just put in charge of President Obama's new Office of Theological Repatriation. We're in the process of destabilizing other religions so that we can recruit more followers. Why do you think we've been marginalizing Christianity within the armed forces and public schools?" "But why make the president a god?" "Let's face it, Todd," Miles explained. "He's a young man. He's going to need to do something to earn a paycheck after he leaves the White House." "So when did you guys decide to go forward with this hair-brained scheme?" I asked. "Ironically it was just a few hours before that earthquake hit Washington," he said. "About two minutes after President Obama signed the executive order declaring himself to be America's Lord and Savior, the earth started shaking." "How does one even go about creating a new religion?" I wondered. "Well, as I said, I head up the Office of Theological Repatriation," Miles said. "Once the Christians and Jews renounce their faiths, they are assigned to a six-month session of theological conversion therapy. After they complete the appropriate coursework, the new followers are then turned over to the Office of Spiritual Indoctrination." "What about the Muslims?" I asked. "Um, yeah, we're not going to touch the Muslims," Miles said. "It's all about having a good back story," he said. "That's why we've employed the best screenwriters in Hollywood to create our version of the Bible. It's called The Gospel According to Barack." Miles laid out some sample chapters for me, including Obama's version of the Golden Rule: "Do unto others before they do it to you." And they've also started working on the origins story. Miles said the White House has pending legislation that would make December 25 "Barack Obama Day." "We've even got a few passages of the origins scripture ready for Hallmark cards," Miles said. "'For unto you is born this day in a city of undetermined origin—a savior who is Barack the Lord.'" Suddenly the skies outside the coffeehouse darkened. I could hear the distant rumbling of thunder and an occasional flash of lightning. Miles said they'd also commissioned choirs to perform some new holiday anthems with lyrics such as, "Joy to the world / Barack has come / Let earth receive her king." They also created the new songs "Jingle Bell Barack" and "Michelle, Did You Know?"

And it just goes on and on. But that should be enough for you to get the idea. If you want to read a larger excerpt go here.



In the meantime the rest of us need to convert to Islam in order to be free of this menace! I know I'm not praying to "City of Undetermined Origin" on December 25. That day is reserved for eating turkey.

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