I hold grudges for a very very long time.
I don't know if it's because I'm not a religious person, but it's nearly impossible for me to forgive those who have wronged me. It's not that I don't know the purpose of forgiveness. It doesn't mean you let the person get away with it. You forgive so that the anger and obsession don't tear you apart on the inside, so that the pain doesn't remain with you and continue to affect your life. You forgive so that you can let go of past injustices and move on.
However, I can't even bring myself to do that.
It doesn't matter if it's been a year, or five years, or ten years or more. Often when I'm alone with my thoughts, I will find myself obsessing over incidents where people have wronged me. I will end up replaying the details in my head, thinking of ways I'd like to hurt them back and make them suffer for what they've done. In most cases, the punishment I'd like to exact on them far exceeds the initial offense. And yet I feel completely justified in calling for an imbalanced punishment, wishing revenge not only on the people who wronged me, but on those close to them as well.
At the risk of sounding like a complete psychopath, there have been times I've fantasized about hunting down people who have hurt me, bullied me, insulted me, or hurt the ones I love, and making them pay dearly. I've imagined them dead by my hand. I've thought of how it would be worth it to sacrifice my life and my freedom just to watch them scream in agony. Whatever it takes to send a message, and then some.
Intellectually, I know these emotions are bad for me. I know I would be better off without them. However, I can't seem to overcome them. I've tried talking my way through them with my friends, my counselors, and my therapists. I've tried occupying my mind on other, more constructive things. I've tried allowing time to pass to see if that helps heal the wounds. Nothing works. I always return to the obsessions on the worst days of my life, and no amount of positive experiences can make up for them.
I suppose my question is directed at both the religious and non-religious members of this forum. This isn't meant to be a debate between the two sides. I'm asking here because I want to see what different people from different backgrounds and beliefs have to say. How do you find it in your heart to forgive someone who has wronged you?
I don't know if it's because I'm not a religious person, but it's nearly impossible for me to forgive those who have wronged me. It's not that I don't know the purpose of forgiveness. It doesn't mean you let the person get away with it. You forgive so that the anger and obsession don't tear you apart on the inside, so that the pain doesn't remain with you and continue to affect your life. You forgive so that you can let go of past injustices and move on.
However, I can't even bring myself to do that.
It doesn't matter if it's been a year, or five years, or ten years or more. Often when I'm alone with my thoughts, I will find myself obsessing over incidents where people have wronged me. I will end up replaying the details in my head, thinking of ways I'd like to hurt them back and make them suffer for what they've done. In most cases, the punishment I'd like to exact on them far exceeds the initial offense. And yet I feel completely justified in calling for an imbalanced punishment, wishing revenge not only on the people who wronged me, but on those close to them as well.
At the risk of sounding like a complete psychopath, there have been times I've fantasized about hunting down people who have hurt me, bullied me, insulted me, or hurt the ones I love, and making them pay dearly. I've imagined them dead by my hand. I've thought of how it would be worth it to sacrifice my life and my freedom just to watch them scream in agony. Whatever it takes to send a message, and then some.
Intellectually, I know these emotions are bad for me. I know I would be better off without them. However, I can't seem to overcome them. I've tried talking my way through them with my friends, my counselors, and my therapists. I've tried occupying my mind on other, more constructive things. I've tried allowing time to pass to see if that helps heal the wounds. Nothing works. I always return to the obsessions on the worst days of my life, and no amount of positive experiences can make up for them.
I suppose my question is directed at both the religious and non-religious members of this forum. This isn't meant to be a debate between the two sides. I'm asking here because I want to see what different people from different backgrounds and beliefs have to say. How do you find it in your heart to forgive someone who has wronged you?
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